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Archive for January 2007
January 30th, 2007
This is what a muffin ought to look like.
I hate it when I get a muffin at the bakery and I’m trying to walk to work and I want to eat it as I walk but I have to fight that stupid paper at the bottom. God I hate that. If they’d just bake them in the tins without that stupid paper it wouldn’t be a problem.It’s a total waste. What’s it good for? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It’s just an old, worthless tradition. Free the muffin.
This is what we are fighting:
Are you filled with fear at the sight of that needless, constricting, walking-and-breakfasting-impeding paper? You should be.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Posted in am I still fat?, consumer alert, social | 1 Comment »
January 30th, 2007
AN OPEN LETTER TO LARRY KING:
Tonight at the gym I caught a moment of the interview in which Larry King gave Tyra Banks the chance to strike back at the people who’d been calling her fat. I didn’t know anyone said she was fat. Is she? I couldn’t care less.
All I caught was Larry asking Tyra why she ever wanted to be a model, because posing for pictures all day sounds “booooring” to him. His word. He really said it like that.
Larry. Larry, Larry, Larry. Don’t be an asshole.
Tyra got her first modelling job when she was 17 years old. Have you ever met a 17 year-old? Modeling does not sound boring to a 17 year old girl.
Do I really need to run through the perks with your Larry? Besides the money and potential fame, let’s throw in a couple other relevant details: adoration of ones peers, world travel, fancy hotels and restaurants, circulating with an older and more sophisticated crowds.
And not to stereotype here, big L.K., but I’m beginning to understand why you’ve gone through so damn many wives. Do you have any comprehension of women at all? Maybe you hadn’t heard, but a lot of girls sort of like fancy clothes and getting their faces done up. it’s just a rumor, and I havent’ confirmed it, but women (not all, but some, a sizeable plurality if nothing else) have been known to enjoy being treated as if they are beautiful.
Visit a mall sometime. You’ll find a handful of girls browsing through clothing racks with more than passing interest. Granted, Larry, as you and I know MOST of them will be doing suddoku puzzles and re-reading Moby Dick for the symbolistic parts - but there’s this handful of girls who do take their looks seriously.
And, by the way, Larry, if 17 year old Tyra were to have passed up an opportunity to travel internationally, wear extravagant clothing, go to amazing parties and generally circulate with a world completely and totally out of the reach of every other 17 year-old she’d ever met - what other course do you think she would have pursued that would have opened similar doors for her at 17?
Let me tell you something, Mr. King. I went to a really, really good school Internationally recognized. I’ve known a lot of smart people. Way smart. I’ve known people who’ve done some awesome stuff. I’m fairly confident, though, that the best party I have ever, ever been to was not half as memorable as some Tyra’s most lame ones. I’m just saying - it’s not exactly a small opportunity, becoming a model.
Yes, Larry - you have a very cool job. You get to be both famous and smart at one and the same time. Pretty bad ass. You’re a happy man. You get to hold forth every night and you never have to worry if anyone thinks you’re a simpleton, but - maybe you hadn’t heard - no one is offering 17 year-old girls primetime interview shows on CNN.
No, really. I’m SERIOUS!
In fact, no one is offering 17 year-old girls any interview shows at any time on any television station in the country. Except maybe Nickelodeon. Though I can’t think of any. I don’t watch a lot of TV.
See, Larry, I know it wasn’t intended that way, but some people might have found the question a little condescending, demeaning and naive. All at the same time. How can you be both condescending and naive at the same time Larry?
Well, you did it!
I guess that’s what makes you a great interviewer!
Anyway, just so long as we’re clear, I’ve met a few minor models in my day, and nothing about the life sounds boring. Dangerous and hard, sure. A trifle over-the-top, definitely. And the industry probably really does screw with our collective consciousness a little more than it probably should, but telling a young woman that she should have bypassed the opportunity of a lifetime because looking pretty looks boring to you (Mr. Millionaire TV Man) is a prick thing to say.
It’s like the jerk who tells homeless people to get a job. As if it were easy for everyone to get where you’ve gotten. As if we all get a million great doors to walk through like that one.
Tyra banks was a model. A famous one. Very famous. As her modelling career faded with her age, she managed to transfer her fame into other fields of endeavor and use her brain more than her boobs. Good for her. She’s had the best of the world.
And maybe, just maybe, if she had passed on the modelling opportunity she would have eventually risen just as high - but I doubt it. We only get so many chances in this life and Tyra took hers and she’s used it pretty damn well. So step off, L.K. Don’t demean someone for grabbing a star just because it doesn’t look like much of a star to you.
‘Cuz I got one last revelation for you, Larry: no chance in hell anyone was ever going to ask you to walk a runway in Milan - not on the best day of your entire life.
Posted in pop culture, political, social | No Comments »
January 30th, 2007
This post is the sort of thing that would have made the Russellian Incorporated Innovations Corporation mad cash, that is if I would have ever started it as a business rather than a silly name for a blog.
Okay, new invention idea - the Bed Snorkel.
It’s winter. It’s cold out. That means that I have an even harder time getting up in the morning. It also makes me think of Winters that I have spent with a lovely young woman beside me in bed. I didn’t say sleeping beside me, because usually when there are lovely young women beside me in bed there is not a ton of sleeping that gets done.
If you get me.
Anyway, not to go into an enormous amount of detail here, but a lot of times I’ve found myself wanting to get down beneath the covers and occupy myself from time to time. Mindful of the young woman’s tendency to get cold, I want her to be able to leave the covers drawn up, though I might do what I may. Whatever that might be. You may or may not want to use your imagination.
Aren’t I a considerate guy?
The problem is that there’s a lot of hot, close air down their below the covers and I, for one, can’t stand it. So I find myself pulling the covers back down, exposing the young guest in my boudoir to the wintry bedroom air. I don’t want to brag - there aren’t usually a lot of complaints because usually their attentions are elsewhere, but I wish I could keep my attentions where I keep them without forcing a lass to get all cold.
So here’s my idea: the Bed Snorkel.
My guess is that if I just had a long tube that ran out under the covers to the ouside I’d be able to take a drag of air on it from time to time and I could stay down there as long as I wanted. Of course, the breaks themselves might really disrupt the activities that brought me beneath the sheets in the first place, but with the right rhythm you could get it to work.
Yeah, posts like these are going to make it pretty much definite that no one is ever going to run me for public office. Oh well, probably for the best…
Posted in consumer alert, social | 2 Comments »
January 29th, 2007
This guy’s name is Martin Strel. He’s from Eastern Europe. He’s going to try to swim the whole freaking Amazon River. He’s proven he has the stamina for it, but, umm… the Amazon has the nastiest beasties in it of any river in the world. Nasty, nasty beasties. Little fish that swim into your willy and stick out their spines called candiru. Big beasties that will eat your head off. Even littler beasties that give you elephantiasis so that your legs blow up like gigantic sausages only no one would ever eat them. Except the big beasties. But that way they’ll start at the bottom.
What the hell is this guy thinking?
Oh yeah, he’s doing it for World Peace.
If I can swim that river, then the Palestinians and the
Israeli’s can find a way to live together in peace.
If I can swim that river, then the Muslims, Christians,
and Hindus, in India and Africa and the Middle East, can all
find a way to live together in peace.
If I can swim that river, then the Western Nations and
the Nations of Iran and Iraq and Afghanistan, can find a way
to live together in peace. -Martin Strel
Dude, there’s two things I’m pretty sure of. 1) the suicide bombers in Palestine and the Israelis who fire missiles at apartment buildings don’t give a rat’s ass if you swim that river or not, 2) you’re going to die and 3) if you don’t die, world leaders are not going to say - “Holy shit! He did it! Let’s write off the Congo’s national debt!” World leaders will say, “Well I’ll be goddamned. That crazy mofo should be dead.” Then they’ll go about their day.
Posted in political, social | No Comments »
January 26th, 2007
Be sure to check out my second op-ed in the Daily News! Go Team!
IT’s about my organizations campaign to expand services at Health Centers.
The Daily News - January 24th, 2007
IF YOU’D been with me outside city Health Center 6 at 7 a.m. on Friday, you’d have seen why we need to staff up our clinics.
I go early to visit with people waiting in line to get in when the clinic opens around 8. Most of the time, I meet 10 to 20 people who got up early to wait in the cold - and it’s plenty cold in Philadelphia before sunup these days.
When uninsured people in the city get up and realize they’re sick or in pain and have to see a doctor right away, they stand in line and wait for a health center to open. They know that if you aren’t in line for a walk-in before a clinic opens, you’re not going to be seen.
Follow the link above for the rest.
Posted in Philadelphia, political, writing | 1 Comment »
January 24th, 2007
After George Bush’s 45 minute speech last night where it sounded like he was just rattling off some bullet points (was there ever any kind of segue between topics?), Sen. Jim Webb’s speech really knocked me out.
I should disclose here that I was more attentive than usual to the speech because a friend of mine just started working for him. That said, I think I would have noticed anyway. The man looked furious. He had a nice, solid voice that really grabbed you and eased through anything he had to say. No mistaking the fact that he thought the President a liar, a fool and a poor successor to the Presidents that have come before.
That line where he said something like: we went our servicemen off to fight in Europe and Korea and Vietnam and we supported them, but we did so while also fulfilling our responsibility of managing the encounters wisely - man, blew me out of my seat.
Then when he talked about times when the rich got too rich and visionary Presidents came along to address it meaningfully, like FDR. Too much, too much. The Democrats really are ready to fire with all guns, I guess.
It made me wonder, though, do we have a Democrat with FDR’s vision in the rank’s coming forward? Do we have one who’s willing to engage in “bold, consistent experimentation” as FDR did? I don’t see one.
It’s a nice parallel, though. FDR’s predecessor was a do-nothing, market-tunnel-visioned, denier like President Bush, Jr., is. Maybe history will repeat and we’ll come out from him with someone who sees the big picture and the opportunities in adversity that FDR saw.
Posted in political | No Comments »
January 21st, 2007
When we were in High School, Tim was really just a dopey kid who liked to party. Now he’s grown up into this strangely charismatic kid who likes to do really crazy stuff and get other people to help him.
For example:
This is one of Tim’s stranger adventurers. I wonder how he knew how to build a snow-fort?
Oh, little Tim. You’ve come so far.
Posted in Kansas, Pittsburg, social | No Comments »
January 21st, 2007
Last night I went over to some friends’ place to have a dinner and hang out. We ended up watching this movie, Street Fight, about a mayoral race in Newark, New Jersey. It’s about the upstart campaign of a young city council member, Cory Booker, against Sharpe James, the man who’d been mayor of the city for 16 years.
I’m writing about it because it was just funny to see how different people respond to things. Going into the movie, I was totally beat. I’d had a late night of hard living the night before and then I’d pretty much spent the whole day hanging out with people, which isn’t exactly taxing but I’d never quite caught up with the deranged evening that had proceeded it.
So I almost didn’t stick around because I didn’t think I’d be able to stay awake to watch anything. As soon as there were images of a guy walking door-to-door, shaking hands and trying to talk to people about the issues, though — I was awake.
Late in the movie they showed a bunch of Philadelphians that the incumbent had shipped in from Philadelphia to help turn out the vote on Election Day, and I made a comment about Philly politics and the money machine Election Day is here, too. No one responded.
The documentary had woke me up and had me enraptured. My friends had all fallen asleep (and I was the only one lying down. They were sitting up on a couch and I was stretched out on a lounger). So it’s just funny to me that I can respond so strongly to a political story and other folks could barely care less. I guess it’s like people who watch fishing shows. They usually do fish, so they see things in a show like that that I don’t. Things they understand from experience that I don’t, just like I see layers and layers when I watch images of a guy walking around Newark or a campaign office trying to convince people that he has a shot.
Street Fight is worth seeing if you’re interested in electoral politics and the life of inner-cities. I felt totally engaged and, obviously, I was rooting for the young upstart the whole way (even if I did sort of admire the brass of the incumbent).
Posted in Philadelphia, political, social | No Comments »
January 18th, 2007
That blob in the background is totally yours truly. This is an AP photo of Rosemarie Greco and the Governor announcing the “Prescription for Pennsylvania.” The Governor’s office wanted someone to stand up there on behalf of the Uninsured, and so he called on the Philadelphia Unemployment Project.
Ms. Greco was the Director of the Office of Healthcare Reform. I have to say, she did a bang up job. This is such a detailed and well thought out plan. I wish my brain worked that way.
Posted in Pennsylvania, political | 1 Comment »
January 15th, 2007
Yesterday I watched more TV than I probably watched in all of 2006. Mostly, I watched football. Mainly, because that’s what Guillaume and Dave wanted to watch and I didn’t really care. I was amazed to see the Patriots game sponsored by the movie ‘300,’ based on the famous Frank Miller recreation of the famous Spartan stand.
I thought about it, and realized that there were a few comic book based movies coming ou this year and that I’d better get the calendar straight so I stayed on top of them. This is just about the most important thing in pop culture to me and I like to get ready for each release. So here’s the list of upcoming comic book movies that I know about. If I missed any noteworthy ones, though, please let me know:
- Ghost Rider - Feb 16th
- 300 - March 9th
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - March 23rd
- Spider Man 3 - May 4th
- Fantastic Four/Silver Surfer - June 15
- Transformers - July 4th
(Of course, Transformers is not technically a comic book movie but a toy movie, but let’s not be pains in the ass, okay? Optimus Prime is returning to show us all the way of righteousness. He’s still the most emblamatic symbol of real leadership in my life so far, okay, so don’t bug me about details).
Posted in social, comix | No Comments »
